This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
