the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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