finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
