so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
