I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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