weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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