She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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