Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
