Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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