No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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