I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
