This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
