I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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