I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
