i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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