Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
