I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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