I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
