I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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