She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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