I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
