She said her name was "party"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just forgot I was standing up.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
