At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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