What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
