What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
should my penis look like a turkey
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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