I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
