Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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