is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your penis caused this!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
