I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
