just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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