Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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