i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
