There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
