I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
