WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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