i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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