can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Text me some of your sweat
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
