So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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