somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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