Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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