thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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