No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
