i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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