can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
