I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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