Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
