you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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