Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
