He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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