So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
